Southend 1st XI 3 - 4 Braintree 1st XI
"No one likes people with ginger hair"
The nice people at Felixstowe sent me their match report from their game the week before. They said, Braintree are a good team and you particularly need to watch out for the bloke up front with the ginger hair. Well, that was an understatement wasn't it!
The game started with a bit of a surprise when Captain Neil "Strawberry" Utton decided to start with himself on the bench and Keith Arnold and Phil Leggett as the starting forwards. The game was going OK when the aforementioned annoying ginger bloke went on a bit of a run and scored from a sharp angle from the edge of the "D." You'd have thought that would have put him in a good mood for the rest of the day wouldn't you?.
Southend then pressed well and equalised, when a pass from Rob Styles at a short corner went to Phil Leggett who amazed us all with his finish from 2 (TWO!) yards out which made this the furthest from the goal of all of his goals this season. The game then seemed to degenerate, the ginger bloke started moaning, and the umpires ended up warning him(excellent we thought, the umpires have this under control!) although we kept our cool and didn't retaliate. Braintree then scored another to go into half time 2 - 1 up.
The second half started much the same, the annoying ginger got warned by the umpire (excellent the other umpire has it under control too!), so did another of their blokes and we still kept our cool. Unfortunately this just seemed to work in Braintree's favour and they scored again, 3 - 1.
However this just seemed to spark Southend and the umpires into life. A Southend goal from Neil Utton at a short corner after a move that went wrong and a final warning to both Captains to control their players (hang on hadn't they been warned three times and us none?) and the game took off from there. Southend then kept pushing forward and were rewarded with the equaliser with another Neil Utton short corner goal when he waltzed round the rushing defenders and flicked the ball over the keeper and into the net. Now the game was springing to life. Two more final warnings for the ginger and one of his mates and they were definitely on their last chance. We would have them down to 10 men and score the winner, I could sense it. Unfortunately it was not to be, and a contentious winner just before time, gave Braintree the points.
Still I think we were the big winners really. We drank them under the table at their clubhouse (I assume that was the case as there were none of them left when we departed) and then we went back to our clubhouse to drink champagne (because we can) with our supermodel girlfriends (because we haven't got ginger hair!). Must be better than an evening in Braintree on your own with a can of tennants super and a pot noodle! We can also look on the bright side at least we have a nice team to play next week (Ramgarhia) and at least we dont have ginger hair.
Bring on the return at Canvey next year.
Team - Harvey M, Styles Snr, Harvey P, Hayman S, Mellish, Styles Jnr, Crompton, Reynolds, Robeson, Arnold, Leggett, Utton, Crowhurst.
Goals - Leggett, Utton 2
Waltham Forest 2nd XI 0 – 7 Southend 2nd XI
Goalscorers: Jenkins 2, Morgan 2, Puncher 2 & Jones
Southend continue to hold top dog status as they cut the Forest down to size with a seven-goal bonanza inspired by an awesome performance by International Ginge Christian Jenkins.
The omens though hadn't looked good for Southend an hour before pushback as a very late cancellation had left the side with only 10 as failure to procure an umpire during the week meant that Jamie McPhee was having to umpire. Step in Andy Poulaine, who despite the lateness of the phone call and against medical advice and most importantly foregoing promise of a full English breakfast stepped into the breech to save the day (a big thank you from all 2s players). Crisis averted………well, almost. One car got caught in heavy traffic and whilst the start was delayed 25 minutes it was with 8 players that Southend began the match.
As it turned out a very poor Forest team could make very little of the numerical advantage and with Southend up to a full compliment within 10 minutes it was not long before they had opened the scoring. Deft stick work at a short corner by Druce drew a foul and Jenkins converted the resultant penalty flick. The second goal arrived moments later, the result of a good run and cross by Jenkins neatly slotted home by International Ginge understudy, Morgan. Further goals by Jones and another for Morgan saw the away team go into the break 4-0 up.
The skipper still troubled by a hamstring injury took the opportunity to ‘rest’ up front which seemed to unbalance the team for 15 minutes but with Jenkins running the show Forest caused very few scares. Three late goals, 2 from Puncher and another for Jenkins made the scoreline suitably reflect the dominance of the away side.
Another steady performance from James ‘Lunchbox’ Lockwood and unfortunate not to score, well done.
Team: M Scott, L Danbrook, M Watson, J Etheridge, J McPhee, J Morgan, C Jenkins, K Druce, B Puncher, S Jones, J Lockwood
Southend 3rd XI 0 - 0 Harlow
7 players missing from Southend's regular 3rd XI made this weeks game vs 10th place Harlow more like a mountain climb than a hockey match. A bad tempered niggly affair neither team showed much in the way of
quality or the ability to create positive chances.
Southend probably played the better hockey but the undoubtedly committed Southend side lacked the final punch to separate the teams. A disappointing 0-0 result
against poor opposition and a worrying injury list probably ending Southends realistic chances of promotion.
SOUTHEND & BENFLEET LADIES 1ST XI 5 - 2 Witham 1st XI
Excellent result. After a cancelled game last week against East London, Southend Ladies were really ready to play.
We started strong with Naomi Barker burying a goal in the first 15 mins. A great start by the ladies and one only to be strengthened. We managed to defend from the half way line and gain the majority of the possession. We had some fantastic passing that really opened the game up for us, through the mid-field and out along the wings. It was nice to stand at the back and watch an organised team take advantage of the situation and snap up an early lead with a second goal scored by Nicola Bryant (2-0).
After half time Witham tried to come back strong with a few of their players showing their frustration, but with another strong attack from Southend Lora Sharples scored our third goal about 5 mins into the half. Another goal shortly followed by Claire Powell 4-0.
We settled down a bit then and Witham took full advantage of the situation and sneaked one pass Lisa Ballard that no one really saw. It was a double deflection from a short corner that in the midst of confusion crept over our goal line. Never mind!!!
Again we had the upper hand but an injury to Claire Powell on her Knee (it was only a bruise) caused a quick reshuffle across the mid-field and the forwards to our advantage again with Lora Sharples getting her second goal of the game….Excellent and well deserved!!!
By this time it was a true trouncing and we felt sorry for Witham so we let them get a second goal inside the final 10 mins (Again it was another confused defence that let it slip by across the line, but we would never tell the truth). The game ended shortly afterwards and we had won 5 - 2.
Also an excellent performance by both Chloe Harris and Louise Marsack who came up from the 2nd XI to help us out, a fantastic game. Well Done to all the ladies.
In the bar after Lora Sharples was heard to say "See, 2 goals. did you see me, did you see me? I've been telling everyone for weeks I should have been playing up front and as soon as I do I score 2 goals. I can win the top goalscorer award again this year if I carry on like this. Both Clare and Naomi are good players but they don't have my experience. Hopefully from now on I won't ever have to play at the back again"
Team: L,Ballard. S,Revell. R,Goddard. G,Swain. A,Johnson. L,Marsack. L,Sharples. N,Bryant C,Harris. H,Middleton. C,Powell. N,Barker.
Goal Scorers: C,Powell 1 N,Barker 1 N,Bryant 1 L,Sharples 2
Southend Ladies 2nd XI 4 - 0 Upminster
On Saturday the second team ladies played Upminster and won 4-0. The goals came from Ann-Marie Byford with 2 and Emma Philips in the first half and Dani Fletcher in the second half, despite the fact she had to go off with an injured hand 10 minutes into the game. She came on at half time and scored within 5 mins ( I am sure she will be only to happy to talk you through it).
Southend Mixed 2 - 9 Chelmsford
A dark, dank Sunday afternoon didn't improve our morale as we ventured to our meet at Halfords for a late fixture away at Chelmsford, things didn't get any better when a call (once again) from Mixed captain Jamie Mcfeeble advised 5 minutes before set off that he would not be attending and that arrangements for an umpire had not been made - so into the steady hands of Bex went the captains role!
The atmosphere was lifted when we remembered that the reason we were playing late was because the Chelmsford men were playing a cup game! brilliant we thought now we definitely have a chance to win this game as most of the 1st XI would not be playing! (what was going through our fragile little minds) Once again our hopes were dashed when we took to the water based field to warm up and looked around to see a wall of EAST track suits being modelled by the ladies.
Still I'm sure Chuckie and Steve Hayman practicing their aerials to each other scared them half to death! as well as Emma Phillips asking our players how to play hockey on water based? however Strawberry lashing the ball into the goal with the ferocity that only "favours for goals" can produce we still thought that we stood a chance.
They came at us quick and scored even quicker! it wasn't long before the showboating from the opposition began, which was exactly what we were counting on, we knew that those attention deprived hockey machines from Chelmsford could not resist turning it on with individual skill and strength that the likes of us have only dreamed of - the men on their team where quite good as well - before long we had soaked up all they had to offer and after a wonderful show of goalkeeping from Lisa Ballard we struck back and were in the lead after 2 goals, first from Emma Phillips and the second from Strawberry.
After the half time whistle had gone we tried to rally the same strength as we did earlier in the game, the opposition had clearly been shocked by the grit determination of Southend and could be seen somewhat anxious waiting to see what we would throw at them next.... they shouldn't have, we couldn't string three passes together and were camped in our own half pretty much for the rest of the game. only the supreme goalkeeping from Lisa stopped many of the team from drowning themselves on the over watered pitch! after Strawberry injured himself with a very ambitious aerial on the run, things didn't look good! they won we lost, but a convincing loss.
Hayley could be heard on the pitch saying why are they in our league, the answer quite clearly is IT'S THEIR LEAGUE AND WE'RE NOT IN IT!
Other amusing moments:-
Puppy - "that was great I could do that every Sunday!" clearly not running enough on Saturday then!
Ty - "I really enjoyed playing at right back! but I didn't realise there was so much running"
Legget to Styles after being offered a cup of tea by one of the opposition ladies "cor that would go down really lovely, a cup of tea would be nice too"
Benson after being offered a start at the beginning of the second half subbing for one of the ladies "well I'm not happy about that!" don't play then!
Chuckies aerial in the game that went 40 foot up in the air and roughly four yards forwards by which time all 22 player could have been under to receive it.
Lisa Ballard desperately trying to clear the ball through Bex. |
